Saturday, May 27, 2006

John Gregory Knapp: June 13th,1979 - May 20th, 2006

My older brother passed away last Saturday night. On my break today at work, I wanted so badly to talk to him, so I wrote him a letter.

Hi John, 5/27/06

Well, we talked not even a week ago, but it seems like an eternity. This whole thing makes me excited to come to heaven to see you, but I know that God has a time for me, just like He did for you. And when that time comes, we will embrace each other, and it will seem like only yesterday that all four of us piled in the same bed to sleep, or played endless hours outside together. When I think about our life together, I think of us as children. I think that’s the most perfect we’ll ever be in this life.
I never got a chance to tell you, John, but I want to thank you for standing up for me so many times. I always felt, and will always feel, that you love me. I hope you know that I love you, too. I’ve always worried about you, even when we were little kids. Maybe God’s giving me a break now. I don’t have to worry about you any more because I know that at this point you couldn’t be any safer than you are in His arms. I can’t express how elated I am that you came to the point of wanting nothing more than to have Jesus in your life. It gives me so much peace to think of you in Heaven right now.
I know you had some really tough times, John, but I also know that you were the victim of a horrible addiction. I could see your sincerity in wanting to be free of it – but I also understand that you wanted me to be proud of you. I am proud of you. I’m proud that you are my brother and my friend. I’m so proud that you made a huge effort to make amends with everyone in the family these past few years. The Lord made a change in you that words cannot describe. I remember talking to you at Mom’s house right after you had seen The Passion, and how, at that moment, you reminded me of the John I knew when we were on Knight Island “fishing” in the creek, or in Platina playing on the brush pile. Jesus has returned you to the same childlike innocence that you started with.
Everyone had a different relationship with you, John, and everyone will have to deal with your death the best way they know how. For me, it’s almost like you’ve let God handle that part. It’s almost like I don’t have to justify anything, because I know that you knew the truth, and that I will have the rest of ETERNITY to spend with you. Thank you for having the faith to let Jesus handle the details; thanks for giving the one thing you had in this life – yourself – to Him. “That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I’ll see you there big brother.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Katie--That was so sweet and beautiful. It nearly brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad you had such a close relationship as children. That truly meant a lot to him. You're so right--he so wanted his family to be proud of him. Thank you for sharing your letter. Love, Mom

May 27, 2006 9:06 PM  
Blogger auntibeck said...

And to God be the glory for that Katie. Your loss is great, but the reward will be greater--I will look forward to that day too when I can be privileged to know John in his new and perfect life. All my love to you...

May 28, 2006 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anne said...

Danke, dass du mir Bescheid gesagt hast. Ich bin sehr froh, dass du darüber reden kannst. Das ist, glaub' ich, eines der wichtigsten Dinge, wenn Jemand stirbt, den man sehr liebt, dass man es aktzeptiert und verarbeitet. Denn man kann Geschehenes nicht rückgängig machen. Man kann nur lernen damit zu leben. Es macht mich froh, dass du gute Freunde in deinem Umfeld hast, mit denen du offen reden kannst. Ich glaube, dass hilft dir sehr. Ich hoffe sehr, dass deine Schwestern, eure Mutter und alle Anderen auch so viel Unterstützung und Hilfe, wenn auch nur durch einfaches Zuhören, haben, um die Trauer durchzustehen.

Es tut mir wirklich sehr leid.

May 29, 2006 2:46 PM  
Blogger The Chindo said...

He was passed from good hands, to great hands.

Safe home at last.

May 30, 2006 3:45 PM  
Blogger JUDI said...

Beautiful letter, Katie. I appreciated being able to read it.
Aunt Judi

August 30, 2006 4:08 PM  

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